Dear
Ms Fey,
Each
morning, over the past six years as soon as my students walk in the
door... I am so happy to see them and my classroom take life again.
For me, it feels so natural to be a primary school teacher again. Yet
for the past few months I am longing for and thinking about a new
personal challenge in the field of primary education. As a result of
my interest by different cultures and languages I have decided to
start looking for position at an international school.
My
attention was attracted by your school, as it is a relatively young
international school and I would like to be member of a pioneering
and ambitious team, the fact that it is a Dutch subsidised school
with competitive fees is fascinating because that make it accessible
to a very broad variety of students and it is valuable that the
experience of living in Amsterdam and the Netherlands are being used
and added to within the multicultural setting of your school, as I
think this city and also the Dutch culture have much to offer.
Initially
groups 3-8 are my interested positions. In my opinion the children of
these ages are still very spontaneous, eager to learn and able to
communicate and discuss well. Still, in view of my university
education, teaching secondary school students might be a future job
possibility.
I
am an open minded person with excellent social skills. For me,
tolerating pressure easily in group management, organising and
planning is natural. Being a
graduated at an outstanding technical university and a consulting
engineer and group leader in the field of logistics and general
management for several years help me
developed my rational, analytical and
coordinating skill. Then I decided to really follow my heart and
passion and became a primary school teacher.
I
believe value would be added to your organisation with my skill and
enthusiasm, also I would very much appreciate to be interviewed so
that we could discuss more about the job description, my motivation
and suitability.
Yours
sincerely,
Candidate
X
This is a very good correction, but it's not perfect. This are some of the mistakes that I could detect:
ResponderEliminar- "I am so happy to see them and my classroom take life again." In this sentence the second idea don't make too much sense, maybe you should use another connector or add a verb.
- In the second paragraph you used a lot the “and”.
- In the next sentence I think that you changed a little bit the sense compared with the original letter. “For me, tolerating pressure easily in group management, organising and planning is natural.” Instead of “I tolerate pressure easily. Group management, organising and planning is natural to me”.
- “… also I would very much appreciate to be…” Is wrong, the correct way is “… also I would appreciate very much to be…”
Finally I think that your letter correction was pretty good, the mistakes I found are easy to correct and you reached a high level of writing. My mark for you is 6,5.
Good Job
In this part “… also I would very much appreciate to be…” Is wrong, the correct way is “… also I would appreciate very much to be…” the difference between the original[beside what you said] is the also [in the original is and] so obviously it was a typing/transcription mistake.
Eliminar